How We Learn Behaviors

Ever wonder why you do the things you do?

We do not learn things by reading them or by being told.  We learn from life's expereinces.  We develop a model about how the world is and remember things that reinforce that belief.  We form most of our world view by the end of elementary school.

Enough preaching let me use myself as an example.   I have always felt that I am not big enough for many tasks.  In order to prove that to myself I have a early recollection.  I remember one time when I was about three or four, walking down the road with my dad and trying make my steps as big as his.   This memory reinforces my belief about how the world is.

My first girlfriend broke off with me after we had been an item for nine months.  I was completely blind sided.  It took me years before I had relationship that lasted more than nine months.

So what's my point.  If you are wondering about why you behave a certain way, your early recollections might give you some clues.  These are memories about a specific incident that you can say "I remember one time ………"   The big clue is how you felt about it.  

Sometimes you have a hard time seeing it yourself, but if you have a trusted friend, he/she might help.

So when you do something that baffles you, consider how you view the world.  If you want to change, try to modify the belief with "sometimes."   I do not believe I am not big emough all the time, only sometimes.  Get the idea.

  1. Graham Reply

    There was a time in my childhood & youth where I did poorly at a lot of things… team sports, school, relationships… Then I realized that maybe awkward was/is my style and now I just go with it. 🙂
    Jim, the singer. I thought you thought you weren’t a singer.

  2. online writer jobs Reply

    I am waiting for new post from you. nice blog!

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