A useful skill to develop is the ability to see things differently. This technique is called reframing and can be used in many circumstances. I find reframing useful when something somebody does really bugs me. For example if somebody gets very upset with something and you have no idea where the anger came from. One can reframe it by saying "I guess you are having a bad day." The results are truly amazing. Instead of taking the anger personally, I have looked at it a different way which changes my reaction.
A good reframing of a bad experience is to ask yourself seriously "What can I learn from that experience?"
If you notice that some people evoke a very strong response in you, treat it as an important learning experience. Use the energy that is created to find something about yourself. Usually the issue is more about you than the other person.
In consulting I use "Hidden Factors" to help me reframe things that make no sense to me. Read more about Hidden factors in the blog http://pxltd.typepad.com/project_x_discussions/2006/04/harvey_saying_8.html
The thing to remember is if three blind people where standing by an elephant and feeling different parts they would describe three different things. We all have many built in biases and we need to remind ourselves that we are only seeing one part of the elephant.
