While working as a data scientist is a rewarding career, there are no shortages of tricky situations and encounters involved (we’re looking at you, business team). To lower your blood pressure, here are a few of our favourite groan-inducing data science jokes to impress and bother your colleagues! Use them wisely.
1. You never see them together in the same room…
There are two kinds of data scientists: 1) Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
2. The SQL is never as good as the original
A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks “Can I join you?”
3. Never Say “Die”
Old data analysts never die – they just get broken down by age and sex!
4. So Predictable
“With such extensive experience in predictive analysis, you should have known we wouldn’t hire you.”
5. “Do you expect me to talk?”
Data is like people – interrogate it hard enough and it will tell you whatever you want to hear.
6. Just a SMALL Favour…
*When you are asked to make a small tweak* “It’s not like you have to boil the ocean or anything – just Boston Harbor and Puget Sound.”
7. Timeless wisdom from George Burns
“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
8. Oh Deer
Three statisticians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first statistician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second statistician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third statistician didn’t fire, but shouted in triumph, “we got it!”
9. How did we end up going from Alpha straight to GA?
If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0.
10. Kids these days
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young data scientist fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The data scientists replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer enquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?” The data scientist sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” And the interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”
11. Ninety-Nine Luftballons
A company manager is flying across the desert in a hot air balloon when he realizes he is lost. He calls down to a man riding a camel below him and asks where he is.
The man replies, “You’re 42 degrees and 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north, 122 degrees, 10 minutes west, 212 metres above sea level, heading due east by north east.”
“Thanks,” replies the balloonist. “By the way, are you a data analyst?”
“Yes,” replies the man, “how did you know?”
“Everything you told me was totally accurate, you gave me way more information than I needed and I still have no idea what I need to do.”
“I’m sorry,” replied the camel-riding analyst. “By the way, are you a company manager?”
“Yes,” said the balloonist, “how did you know?”
“Well,” replied the analyst, “You’ve got no idea where you are, no idea what direction you’re heading in, you got yourself into this fix by blowing a load of hot air, and now you expect me to get you out of it.”
12. XKCD: Correlation and Causation
13. XKCD: Face it!
14. Dilbert: Testing, Testing…
15. Dilbert: Magic Math
Have any more jaw-droppingly groan-worthy data science jokes to share? Add them to the comments! Also be sure to follow Project X Ltd. on Twitter and LinkedIn to stay up to date with the latest news and thoughts from the business intelligence and data science community.